Bearing Witness
This is a collection of stories that were submitted either through this page, or through the google form which predated this site. As community members, part of acknowledging our privileges and differences in experience by taking the time to read and reflect upon the experiences of our peers. Ask yourself if you are perpetuating these harms, and what you can do to make change.
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In February of 2020, I was invited via email to a dinner with Kathy and the Board of Trustees. In the initial email, it was unclear why I was being invited, so I followed up. I was told that I was being invited because I was a Gold Key Guide. Later, I asked a friend who is also a tour guide if she had been invited, and she had indicated she had not. I thought this was weird, but didn't think much more about it. I arrived at the dinner, and soon realized there was only one other Gold Key Guide there, and other students that I did not know.
We were told to "mingle" with the B.O.T. members. The first (and only) woman I talked with commented on how "ethnic" my last name was (she was old and WASP-y). At this point, I was really confused and very uncomfortable. When we finally sat down at our tables for an extremely formal dinner (three students and three B.O.T. members per table) Kathy ascended to the podium and welcomed us to the dinner, where we would be discussing financial equity at Smith. Ah. I had been invited to this dinner because I was low-income, and I was here to make wealthy people feel like they were doing something good. They passed out a sheet of paper with various prompts on it for the tables to discuss. I didn't know the two other students, but one of them was the president of the FGLI group at the time, and the other was part of SGA. The latter was very obviously not low-income at all, and clearly had been invited due to her position within student government.
Of course, she managed to talk over both me and the other low-income student; her response to "what would you do if you had extra money" was "I would love for Smith to subsidize a bus to Boston every weekend so we could go to Boston more often!" An out of touch answer for an out of touch question. Throughout this dinner, student members of Kathy's staff were serving us, which I also thought was completely inappropriate. The dinner was good, but I was informed by one of the board members at my table that I was using the wrong fork for the main course. I wanted nothing more than for it to end.
Afterwards, I called my mom and just cried. I felt so humiliated, used, and disrespected. It was such an uncomfortable and hostile environment, and I didn't even feel that my voice and opinions were heard or valued anyways. It was absolutely my worst experience at Smith, ever. Of course, a couple of weeks later, we were all sent home, and I never heard anything else about that night.
I reached out to my liberal arts adviser multiple times to ask about assistance for writing (because it's something that I really struggle with and causes me severe anxiety and stress), and I told her the resources that I've already tried to receive help and asked what *else* I could do, and she told me to try those things again. And when I did and didn't receive the help I needed, she just kept saying the same thing over and over and said this is just a "skill I'll have to learn in college."
I had a really stressful meeting with the senior class dean a couple of weeks ago. I came to her walk-in hours because I had received an email that I had a credit shortage, even though this was only because Smith had not yet properly processed transfer credit I thought was approved last spring. In my meeting with her, I had to keep telling her that I had enough credits to graduate and she kept insisting that I was wrong. I had to get my phone calculator out and add my number of credits in front of her to try to prove my point and she condescendingly told me I was doing the math wrong.
She tried to convince me that the courses I was registered for for next semester were the ones I was taking this semester because she was reading my academic record on Workday incorrectly. We finally realized that my class year was incorrectly marked on Workday and this whole meeting really only resulted in her pointing this out to me and telling me to email the registrar.
My Latina friend told me that some girls in her dorm told her she only got into Smith because of affirmative action. She came to me in tears when she told me the story. I had to remind her of all she had achieved academically to get accepted to Smith. It was painful to see her pain and to know that although she knew she had accomplished so much to get to Smith, those words told to her by those girls made her doubt her achievements.
Lack of sensitivity from Bursar's office toward students from low income homes. I recall going to inquiry of my tuition balance and feeling looked down upon or insensitivity when I couldn't just "drop off a check for entire balance due", knowing it was it was a too large of an amount at the moment. Instead of being assisted on options or payment schedule, I felt as my "admission" or having my "diploma held hostage" at time of graduation for owing money(under $500) was held over my head as a passive aggressive threat.
For me, it was my privileged white peers who really made my time at Smith difficult. There were ENDLESS examples. One highlight: My first year roommate's family came to visit me they joking asked "Did you swim across?" and more because I'm Mexican American. When I reported it to my house leadership (all white), they told me it would hurt my roommates feelings if they took action and asked me to tough it out. I hope now that Smith has more supportive structures in the houses. White women of Smith College really expect BIPOC Smithies to play the supporting roles in their college fantasy.
Every time race or blackness is brought up in class, I can see the moment people’s eyes glaze over and turn off. It’s literally so insulting because I/we spend everyday engaging white white authors/artists/knowledge snd they can’t seem to be present for the literal 2 minute discussion that is not about their lived experience.
My Spanish professor repeatedly misgenders me. There is a faculty member in CEEDS who has told students that Common Goods needs to have only ‘womens health” products. Paul Wetzel also misgenders me constantly.
Tamra Bates has as well. It’s not just the misgendering but the fact that when I or others correct them it often goes ignored or not rephrased. The director of ODS refused my ESA request without any helpful solutions to having my support animal live with me except live off campus which is not financially feasible. SHE ALSO MISGENDERED ME and dead-named me.
As a fat student, there are some really uncomfortable and humiliating accessibility issues in terms of seating at Smith (and I'm on the smaller end of plus size so this is much worse and much more inaccessible for anyone larger than me). I barely fit into the seats at JMG; have to squeeze into the tiny Seelye desk/chairs and my butt hangs off of them; the arms of the desk chairs at the ground floor Neilson carrells dig into my hips so painfully that I can't sit there (and therefore can't really use Neilson even though I want to since study carrells work best for me). It would be SO easy to simply buy more desk chairs without arms, include tables and chairs in every classroom that are not the tiny attached desk/chairs, etc.
Smith itself is not accessible for so many people. Speaking from my perspective as a low-income student, I only found out about Smith by chance (literally on a TV show). I was the first person from my high school to go here.
I absolutely cannot afford it, even with most of my tuition paid for via Smith grants. While the new loan thing is great, I am a senior so I get $2000 that is supposed to make up for my $18,000 in loans that Smith required me to take out as a part of my financial aid package. That also does not include the loans I had to take out to cover what Smith would not.
Dealing with the financial aid office is an absolute NIGHTMARE. They make you feel like shit, even when you're just trying to advocate for yourself and your right to be here. Northampton is also pretty expensive (in my own context at least) and Smith doesn't do much to compensate for that. Also the fact that we have to pay for laundry and printing when Kathy is earning almost $600,000 a year?! Bullshit.
Today, I would call out this behavior and claim it as racist. Back then, I was a 20 year old girl who felt silenced and didn't want to "make waves."
Today, I would call out this behavior and claim it as racist. Back then, I was a 20 year old girl who felt silenced and didn't want to "make waves."
When I was at Smith, I could not afford healthcare. I applied multiple times for funding and spoke with counselors at Smith and the financial aid office and was denied financial support. I ended up getting extremely sick, to the point where I needed to be admitted for a long term stay at a hospital.
I was required by Health Services to leave campus and obtain medical help at home. I had to take an extended medical leave and they made me reapply. The reapplication process after a medical leave is brutal and demoralizing. I had a phone call with Dean Stangl for thirty minutes asking if I “could handle” Smith and if it was the right place for me.
They didn’t tell me I had been re-accepted until a week before move-in, meaning I couldn’t apply or transfer to other schools. What’s more, my case manager at Wellness Center did not return my emails or phone calls to this day. I eventually dropped out of Smith because I could not afford it or receive healthcare that I needed and felt so ashamed. dehumanized, and unwelcome.
When I was in an emotionally abusive relationship while attending Smith, I was oblivious to the fact that my relationship was abusive, and am now suffering from trauma and emotional damage that I will carry with me for years. It has affected my ability to work, to relate to others, to be successful and to care for myself.
I’m very grateful that I was not physically harmed in my relationship, but there is a very high population of lesbian/queer couples at the college and not a proportional amount of publicized information on abuse in lesbian/queer relationships (as is a problem with society as a whole).
I wish I could have been given the support and information to recognize the abuse I was going through before it had done a great deal of damage to me, and without having to do a lot of work to find that information and support. I was able to get help from the Wellness center after my relationship ended, but it’s incredibly difficult to see through the fog and realize that what’s happening to you isn’t okay when you love someone- doubly so when the world tells you lesbian relationships are less abusive, or not capable of abuse at all.
During academic year 2017-2018, I was repeatedly harassed by Smith College students in my dorm and subject to police surveillance. My peers cited my mental illness — and status as a survivor of the sex trade — as their main reason for making these calls. I was subjected to invasive questioning and room searches by both Smith Campus Police and Northampton Police. Often I was reported as having drugs or alcohol in my possession. Sometimes I was reported as acting “psychotic”. Overall, Smith Campus Police and Northampton PD showed up at my door a total of 8 times between October 2017 and April 2018.
I reported these incidents multiple times to Smith College Residence Life, with little to no follow up. After the final incident in April of 2018 (which involved both Smith and Northampton PD), I was told by the area coordinator that my only option was to request a change of housing, and move to another dorm on campus the following year. I was given no options or support around the increasing incidents of police surveillance, as if the school did not care that authorities were being repeatedly called to the same person’s dorm every few weeks for six months.
I then met with the director of residence life, who assured me that a “report would be filed” before forcing me to divulge the details I had regurgitated to police officers as they sifted through my belongings. I moved across campus the following year and felt alone and unsupported. I felt constantly like I was being watched, and felt like I couldn’t trust any peers or the administrative staff.
No follow up or support was given to me after these events, except for the residence life director asking if I “had thought about finding a therapist” (which, surprise, I already had). I settled into a routine of going to class, and then escaping to my partner’s house, where I knew policing was not a threat. I bided my time until the weekends when it was safe, when I could return to a baseline of normalcy. The police were never called to my door after sophomore year, but I spent the subsequent two years at Smith with a hole in the pit of my stomach, and the feeling of burning eyes over my shoulder.
During my senior year at Smith, I met with Dean Julianne Ohotnicky per her request. In this meeting, the incidents from my sophomore year were brought up for discussion. She asked me what support she could offer, what kind of “help” I wanted following a situation that had occurred 2 years prior. I told her the truth — “you can’t do anything now, except live with the fact that you did nothing”.
For me, my sophomore year at Smith solidified what I’ve known my entire life: survivors of extreme violence will always be marginalized in spaces dominated by the white, wealthy elite. I was used to screaming and yelling, and no one hearing me. She asked the infamous question shortly after, “why didn’t you say anything?” I wanted to scream at her that I told everyone, that I tried and begged for help and was told that my only option was to move, to pretend it never happened. That was the option Smith gave me. But in that moment, I said nothing. I was too exhausted to speak words. Smith is a school that loves to talk a hundred words about what can be said in a sentence. Smith College has never directly addressed how survivors are treated on their campus.
Smith College has never directly addressed the amount of surveillance that marginalized students are subject to on their campus by elite (Rich and White) students. From my experience, Smith does not care about students who are survivors and does not care about students who are subject to state surveillance. I wish I could say any institution did care, but I’d be lying — survivors will always be pushed to the margins, especially when we’re screaming at the top of our lungs.
I'm a first year at Smith College. Coming into this space has been hard. I come from a majority-hispanic community in New York City, and I'm white passing. I've been having trouble connecting to the community on campus.
Adapting to American whiteness feels like a five-credit class. People are really weird when confronting stories or cultures they know nothing about.
Whenever I share my experiences, I'm met with pity and phrases like "I'm so sorry that happened to you." Just because I didn't grow up as a white girl in the suburbs doesn't mean my experiences aren't valid. I've learned that if I open my mouth and talk about myself, I'm going to be othered. I was suffering for a few months until I found friends who are Hispanic like me. Things have been really hard but they're getting better. I wish people would have just accepted me.
​Smith should be able to offer enough mental health counseling & referrals to Northampton counseling for every student who is in need of therapy to be connected to someone whose services they can pay for. Currently Smith is not doing enough for mental health, addressing self harm and eating disorders, and suicide prevention. Smith is more than an academic institution because it promises to care for its students, and to live up to that promise it must meet the demand for mental health care.
My friend and I both struggle with finding Tinder matches on campus. We both fall outside of conventional attraction since I'm plus-sized and she's Latina. She and I both agree that it's worse when we're watching over someone's shoulder as they swipe on tinder and unconsciously favor the skinny white person. This isn't a problem in our respective home states.
As a freshman I attended the Elizabeth Miller conference. It’s supposed to be a time where we learn about entrepreneurs, business owners, CEOs, anyone who has been successful in their own right. I was excited to go and Listen to the story of someone who grew their company from nothing. The talk was good and at the end my friend and I went up to the speaker to introduce ourselves. Next to the speaker was Elizabeth Miller herself and being cordial my friend and I introduced Ourselves and explain that as first generation of income students talks like these are very inspiring.
That is when Elizabeth Miller turned to me and commented that it’s great that Smith gives people who are financially disadvantage a chance to come to the school. My friend stayed up for me and said that I got to Smith on my merits and that my financial background had nothing to do with it. Miller then said that plenty of students get it with their merits and insinuated that the reason that I got it was because I was here to fill in a diversity quota of lower income students. I was too stunned to stand up for myself until this day, I am a senior, I will never forget what she said to me.
Smith is terrible at managing the food situation. More than once, myself and fellow students have arrived to dining halls that have closed early, run out of food, or been serving completely different stuff than what's listed on the menu. People have reported waiting in hour long lines for food, just for the dining halls to run out!!
When you do manage to get food, meat is often under or over cooked, and food ranges from tolerable to straight up inedible. I've been essentially surviving off of pop tarts and other snacks in my room and door dashing food. I am going to demand a refund for dining because no way in hell am I paying for this BS!
​Smith wants to figure out how to do free laundry for everyone but they can't figure out the funding, which sounds super stupid because they are funding so many other things instead. I say they should take the money being used to redig the pond (that harms the ecosystem and is only maintained because of the financial status the pond promotes). They also spend an insane amount of money on the sprinklers in the summer to keep the grass green (again for the financial status) even though the grass should die in the summer because it's natural and important to the soil.
​In my anthropology class I got interrupted by a white student because it "was not right of me to assume the author was white" and I felt so humiliated and belittled by it. To make matters worse my professor nor the class said anything regarding the issue.
​Last spring so many students posted things that were just filled with antisemitism (literally so many dog whistles about how Jews are traitors and control the media) and it made me and many of my Jewish friends feel unsafe especially considering that antisemitic hate crimes were the highest they’d been in decades and felt very unsupported and frustrated as the most anyone had done to acknowledge antisemitism was post anti Zionism =/= antisemitism.
